Posted by: ourwildride | February 13, 2008

Passing Go

There was a snow day today (really snow/ice/rain/slush/flooding – but we won’t split hairs) and we got to play a game of Monopoly. I know you all wish you were in my shoes. Who doesn’t enjoy a game where you actually also win by losing? As in, just put me out of my misery. Already.

We also learned we got to ‘Pass Go’ again with T’s adoption. His case was resubmitted to the PGN yesterday. This is a big deal and it is a huge relief to finally feel like the case is moving forward. The case will either be kicked out again or it will be approved. Obviously, we are hoping and praying for the latter. This week also marks the first time since the 1st of the year that cases were able to be submitted or resubmitted to the PGN. So it seems pretty likely that there will be a bubble of cases going in this week.

In light of everything that has been happening with T’s adoption I’ve found myself examining my parenting. As I’ve thought about T’s life journey I’ve been overwhelmed with the choices that have been made for him. And I wonder what it will be like to walk beside him and nuture him as he deals with these choices and their consequences throughout his life. That has made me aware, in a new way, of how much I look at A and W as being a part of me. And I think that is a disservice to them. I’ve heard adoptees complain bitterly about adoptive parents who tried to push them into a mold which did not fit. But I don’t think this is an issue that is unique to adoptees. I think it has much more to do with the subconscious assumption that our children are ‘ours’. Which is clearly false. While it is always the parent’s responsibility to parent (which unfortunately isn’t necessarily a game of Monopoly), and while the parent should teach a child to act responsibly and understand the consequences of their choices, it is not the child’s responsibility to make the choices the parent might want them to make.

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